Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Funny Best Man Quotes

Most Best Man speeches at weddings are made memorable by the increasing of a witty quote or two. Add some sharp spirit to your Best Man's speech with a funny quote. Select from the following ten popular funny quotes and alter them to fit your own situation or that of the newly married couple.

1. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone. - Anthony Burgess

Funny Jokes One Liners

2. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll fall asleep before you halt saying it. - Helen Roland

Funny Best Man Quotes

My life is one of those "you had to be there" jokes Women's Tee Shirt Small-Tank Top Best

Rate This Product :


My life is one of those "you had to be there" jokes Women's Tee Shirt Small-Tank Top Feature

  • 100% Cotton


Customer Reviews




*** Product Information and Prices Stored: Mar 20, 2012 20:33:15

3. In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a institution which is still very much practiced. - Helen Rowland

4. It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She's not marrying the best man.

5. Love makes the time pass. Time makes love pass. - French Proverb

6. Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with all in the house. - Jean Kerr

7. The problem with being best man at a wedding is that you never get a opening to prove it.

8. Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. - Stephen Leacock

9. Harpo, she's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one. - Oscar Levant, to Harpo Marx upon meeting Harpo's fiancée

10. I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. - Dick Martin

Feel free to modify the last one to your liking and take care to use it as a joke on yourself, and not anyone else!

Funny Best Man QuotesFriends with Benefits - Movie Review Tube. Duration : 11.68 Mins.


Friends with Benefits starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake is reviewed by Christy Lemire (AP critic and host of Ebert Presents at the Movies, check your local PBS listings) and Ben Mankiewicz (host of Turner Classic Movies). See what other critics are saying: www.rottentomatoes.com Jamie (Mila Kunis) is a New York head-hunter trying to sign Los Angeles-based Dylan (Justin Timberlake) for her client. When he takes the job and makes the move, they quickly become friends. Their friendship turns into a friendship with benefits, but with Jamie's emotionally damaged past and Dylan's history of being emotionally unavailable, they have to try to not fall for each other the way Hollywood romantic comedies dictate.

Keywords: Friends With Benefits, Trailer, Mila Kunis, Justin Timberlake, Patricia Clarkson, Jenna Elfman, Bryan Greenberg, Richard Jenkins, Sex, Love, Relationship, Friends, Date, Dating, Romantic Comedy, Los Angeles, La, Will Gluck, Jokes, Movie Review, Movie Trailer, Film, Movie, Cinema, Hollywood

Friday, March 16, 2012

Sms Jokes and Funny Sayings to Cheer Up Your Mood

It is scientifically proven that in order to stay healthy, both physically as well as mentally, laughter along with active sense of humor is best treatment ever and there is no better way to make you smile than jokes and funny sayings. Jokes can be explained as small stories that end with a laughably improbable speech. Jokes give us our daily dosage of laughter and bring happiness and joy in our life. So to keep your mind fit and wholesome read funny Sms jokes.

With the advent of Sms technology, now one needs not to be physically gift in order share humor with each other. One can use his cell phone and send Sms jokes to friends, house and all near and dear ones and bring smile on their face. What are Sms Jokes? They can be defined as two or three liner jokes which are especially designed to be sent via text messaging. You need to read and remember these Sms jokes in order to share them with your mates. 

Funny Jokes One Liners

You can found thousand of websites in the World Wide Web. Anyone type of text jokes you are seeing for, be it daily joke, birthday jokes, funny jokes, dirty jokes, funny sayings jokes or Hindi jokes, you are sure to get it on the internet. You can go to any hunt motor and hunt for the joke you are seeing for. If you want to have fun with your friends, then you can hunt for funny or dirty jokes. If you need some for your friend's birthday then you can hunt for birthday jokes or if you want to be naughty with girlfriend or boyfriend, then you can go for naughty ones.

Sms Jokes and Funny Sayings to Cheer Up Your Mood

100% Funny Mexican Jokes: The Best, Funniest, Dirty, Short and Long Mexican Jokes Book Best

Rate This Product :


100% Funny Mexican Jokes: The Best, Funniest, Dirty, Short and Long Mexican Jokes Book Overview

Some random Mexican jokes from the book:

A big tough Mexican man married a good-looking Mexican lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules: "Honey, I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules! Any comments?"

His lovely new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at eight o'clock every night - whether you're here or not."

***

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says "We are in Germany". The others ask, "How do you know", the German says, "Because it's so cold".

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says "We are in Australia", the others ask "How do you know", he replies "Because it's so warm".

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says " We are in Mexico", the others ask "How do you know", he says " Because my watch is gone"

***

What's a Mexican favorite book store? Borders.

Did you hear about that one Mexican that went to college? Yeah.. me neither.

How do you stop a Mexican tank? Shoot the guy pushing it.

What do you call a Mexican without a lawn mower? Unemployed.

What do you do when a Mexican is riding a bike? Chase after him, it's probably yours!

Why are Mexicans so short? They all live in basement apartments.

Why do Mexicans re-fry their beans? Have you seen a Mexican do anything right the first time?

How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek? They don't work in the future, either.

What do you call a Mexican in a two-story house? Adopted.

Why do Mexican kids walk around school like they own the place? Because their dads built it and their mom clean it.

2 Mexicans are in a car, who is driving? A cop.

Buy the book to read 100s more Mexican jokes!


Customer Reviews




*** Product Information and Prices Stored: Mar 17, 2012 04:43:40

 In order to use these websites effectively, you should copy your beloved jokes in notepad or WordPad so that you won't face any difficulty in case of unavailability of internet. You can also make your own compilation of your beloved jokes on internet which can be accessed by the whole world or by the someone you want without spending even a miniature penny. There are so much service ready online allows you to originate web pages free of cost. You can use blogger, Wordpress or Google pages to make a webpage where you can regain all of your beloved sms jokes on all topics. 

Hence, sending Sms Jokes is best way to spread the humor nearby the world. It let you forget all the disposition stress of life. On the whole, sending jokes and funny sayings via Sms is a best way to instill some fun in our lives.

Sms Jokes and Funny Sayings to Cheer Up Your MoodTim Vine - Best One Liners Video Clips. Duration : 3.12 Mins.


Best One Liners !!

Keywords: horse, race, animals, exist, signs, personalitiy, doodlebug

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

The Honey Bear Joke

The Honey Bear Joke Video Clips. Duration : 0.37 Mins.


Delicious.

Keywords: erik, anker, erik anker, comedy, meltdown, honey bear, los angeles, one liner, joke, Funny, gummi bear, gummy bear

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Great Price 99 Volts for $12.99

My life is one of those "you had to be there" jokes Women's Tee Shirt Small-Tank Top Best

Rate This Product :


My life is one of those "you had to be there" jokes Women's Tee Shirt Small-Tank Top Feature

  • 100% Cotton


Customer Reviews




*** Product Information and Prices Stored: Mar 13, 2012 21:23:09

Monday, March 12, 2012

40th Birthday Jokes

What is it about one's 40th birthday that makes one dread it? The respond is that most people hate the opinion of being "over the hill"! Even as turning forty is not one of the easiest things in the world, it sure does open up the flood gates of pranks and jokes! Some people take an roughly sadistic delight in knowing that a friend or relative has turned forty! While they may not peer intimately at your hair in the hope of spotting your gray hair, they will not pass up the opportunity of sending you a 40th birthday gift, joke or gag that conveys the message loud and clear!

Leaving these people behind, there are others who love to have a good laugh and therefore enjoy sending out funny poems and gifts that not only lighten the event but bring joy and laughter along with sincere wishes to the recipient. Don't forget that turning forty is a milestone in life's journey, and has to be remembered. As this is an important birthday, make sure that you make your friend's fortieth birthday a memorable one filled with fun and laughter.

Funny Jokes One Liners

There are fullness of jokes that genuinely make fun of aging or becoming old. These genuinely help in lightening the fear and dread of becoming older, by adding laughter to the whole situation. Make sure that person you care for has a fortieth birthday that is funny without being corny by bringing joy to a person who is getting older. It makes it easier to do this if the person celebrating his/her 40th birthday has a great sense of humor.

40th Birthday Jokes

The Funniest Christmas Joke Book : A Collection Of Humorous Xmas Jokes and Riddles Best

Rate This Product :


The Funniest Christmas Joke Book : A Collection Of Humorous Xmas Jokes and Riddles Overview

This book is a collection of Christmas jokes and Christmas Riddles.This project varies from all ages and topics about Christmas. It varies from riddles, jokes, short stories, one liners and knock-knock jokes over 160 Pages.. This can fit all kinds of readers around the world for it was researched from different categories. Hope you’ll enjoy reading and laughing. Have a Merry Merry Christmas!

The Funniest Christmas Joke Book : A Collection Of Humorous Xmas Jokes and Riddles Specifications

This book is a collection of Christmas jokes and Christmas Riddles.This project varies from all ages and topics about Christmas. It varies from riddles, jokes, short stories, one liners and knock-knock jokes over 160 Pages.. This can fit all kinds of readers around the world for it was researched from different categories. Hope you’ll enjoy reading and laughing. Have a Merry Merry Christmas!


Customer Reviews




*** Product Information and Prices Stored: Mar 12, 2012 13:11:43

One-liners and short jokes are the ones that are best. It is confident that most fortieth birthday jokes will end with a great punch line about becoming older. If your joke is too long, then it could get boring and end up with the listener anticipating the typical punch line before you can get to it. Therefore short, quick jokes are the answer.

Another tip is that you should not overdo it. Tell only a few "over the hill" jokes which will be genuinely funny. If you tell too many jokes at a time, it will not only get boring but monotonous. Never ever make the person feel genuinely old, especially if You are younger! The point of telling these 40th birthday jokes is to have fun and not to make the person feel worse.

You can try and be former by development up your own fortieth birthday jokes. This can be done by changing around confident details so that they genuinely chronicle to personal situations in the person's life. Mix personal stories about the "birthday boy/gal" with your jokes so that they are more entertaining. All the time, you have to remember that the main aim of all these jokes is to have fun - so do not go overboard and be insulting and sarcastic etc.

Make sure that you hit your friend's or relative's funny bone with 40th birthday jokes, gifts or gags that will not only guarantee laughter and entertainment all around but make them feel great about their balding pate, increasing middle or thick glasses! You could also get a funny singing telegram to surprise the person at home or at the office. This is sure to send colleagues and co-workers into splits of laughter.

40th Birthday Jokes

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Just For Laughs (Tim Vine) Part 2

Just For Laughs (Tim Vine) Part 2 Video Clips. Duration : 3.68 Mins.


Part 2 of the stand up comedian tim vine on the canadian show just for laughs.

Tags: just, for, laughs, westondaniel89, tv, comedy

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Ricky Rincon Stand up Reel June 2011

Ricky Rincon Stand up Reel June 2011 Video Clips. Duration : 8.08 Mins.


A mish mash of different recordings of my one liners

Tags: comedy, one, liners, stand, up, humor, funny, sketch, comedian, comic, jokes, humour, laugh, comedy funny, reel, experimental

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Add Humor to Your Speech Without Telling Jokes

How often have you heard someone start a speech with a joke? Too often probably. Speakers with puny palpate tend to tell jokes just to get a laugh in the hope the audience will warm up to them. The jokes are often irrelevant to the topic of their speech.

Experienced speakers know there are good ways to add humor to a speech or presentation, including:.

Funny Jokes One Liners

Using funny stories and anecdotes--not jokes--in your speech

Add Humor to Your Speech Without Telling Jokes

100% Funny Mexican Jokes: The Best, Funniest, Dirty, Short and Long Mexican Jokes Book Best

Rate This Product :


100% Funny Mexican Jokes: The Best, Funniest, Dirty, Short and Long Mexican Jokes Book Overview

Some random Mexican jokes from the book:

A big tough Mexican man married a good-looking Mexican lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules: "Honey, I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules! Any comments?"

His lovely new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at eight o'clock every night - whether you're here or not."

***

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says "We are in Germany". The others ask, "How do you know", the German says, "Because it's so cold".

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says "We are in Australia", the others ask "How do you know", he replies "Because it's so warm".

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says " We are in Mexico", the others ask "How do you know", he says " Because my watch is gone"

***

What's a Mexican favorite book store? Borders.

Did you hear about that one Mexican that went to college? Yeah.. me neither.

How do you stop a Mexican tank? Shoot the guy pushing it.

What do you call a Mexican without a lawn mower? Unemployed.

What do you do when a Mexican is riding a bike? Chase after him, it's probably yours!

Why are Mexicans so short? They all live in basement apartments.

Why do Mexicans re-fry their beans? Have you seen a Mexican do anything right the first time?

How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek? They don't work in the future, either.

What do you call a Mexican in a two-story house? Adopted.

Why do Mexican kids walk around school like they own the place? Because their dads built it and their mom clean it.

2 Mexicans are in a car, who is driving? A cop.

Buy the book to read 100s more Mexican jokes!


Customer Reviews




*** Product Information and Prices Stored: Mar 07, 2012 23:41:20

Everyone has had bad experiences that become funny with the tube of time. They make great stories Remember that today's tragedy is tomorrow's funny anecdote.

If you don't feel comfortable talking about yourself, borrow stories from other people. It's acceptable to as long as you prestige the source.

Collecting Stories from your audience

"Jollytologist" Allen Klein tells how he'd often ask his audiences "How do you spell relief?" "L-A-U-G-H" was his answer. Then during one of his presentations, an audience member cried out, "D-I-V-O-R-C-E." It was hysterical. Klein now relates the story as part of many of his presentations.

Creating a fun climate in the room before you speak

Since I'm a previous news anchor and sportscaster, I sometimes arranged for the someone introducing me to show some of my worst on-air bloopers in video clips (there was plenty of material to draw from). The bloopers always got citizen laughing, and also let them know I wasn't afraid to laugh at myself a little--a great way to associate with them right from the start.

Self-denigrating humor

In the 70's, President Gerald Ford was skewered regularly on Saturday Night Live about his lack of grace. Ford struck back by production fun of himself good than the Snl writers ever could.

He told his audiences about the night he met his wife Betty, and how he wanted to dance with her "in the worst way." Then he'd say, "And Betty later told me I did just that--dance in the worst way."

Ford also said he had to become the center on his college football team because center was the only position where he didn't have to move my feet.

If someone as important as a previous president can poke fun at himself, the rest of us can too. Self-denigrating humor is a remarkable tool.

Using curious props in your speech

I'd sometimes bring along "Ifb" to use as a as a prop. An Ifb (which stands for "interruptible feedback) is an ear piece Tv reporters use when they're doing live reports from the scene of a news story. The Ifb allows them to hear what the citizen back in the studio are saying to them as they're being introduced, and also allows them to hear questions the anchors might ask.

I would sometimes show a blooper clip of what can happen when something goes wrong with an Ifb. The clip showed a female reporter stuttering and stammering during a live report. She sounded surely smashed. She wasn't.

It turns out someone had unintentionally pressed the wrong button back in the control room, and the reporter was hearing her own words in her Ifb about half a second after she spoke, which, take my word for it, is extremely distracting. For about 15 seconds, she battled and tried to be as expert as she could, but the harder she tried, the funnier she sounded. She finally ripped the Ifb from her ear and continued her report.

The clip always got the audience howling.

Borrowing humor

The Internet is a great place to find one liners and funny quotes. Personally, I borrowed often from Yogi Berra ("When you come to a fork in the road, take it..."), Will Rogers ("when Democrats want to form a firing squad, they get into a circle...") and many others.

Buying humor from citizen who sell it

There are professionals who will write funny stuff for you, and they're generally not expensive. You can also check your local comedy club and hire someone who's probably pretty good at writing one liners. Or do a quest for "humor writers" or "humorists" on the Internet.

Steve Allen once said, "People would rather be entertained than educated." But if you can entertain and educate at the same time, you have the makings of a great speech--without ever telling a single joke.

Add Humor to Your Speech Without Telling JokesJOKE No: 10 - FUNNY JOKE TO MAKE YOU LAUGH FROM JOKERS CORNER! Tube. Duration : 1.22 Mins.


Afunny joke to brighten up your day! If you like this joke why not email it to your friends and make them laugh. Or maybe embed it in your blog or social network pages. I have loads of jokes on my channel so please SUBSCRIBE!

Keywords: Jokes, Titters, Laugh, one liners, hilarious jokes, daily jokes

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Great Price for $9.95

100% Funny Mexican Jokes: The Best, Funniest, Dirty, Short and Long Mexican Jokes Book Best

Rate This Product :


100% Funny Mexican Jokes: The Best, Funniest, Dirty, Short and Long Mexican Jokes Book Overview

Some random Mexican jokes from the book:

A big tough Mexican man married a good-looking Mexican lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules: "Honey, I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules! Any comments?"

His lovely new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at eight o'clock every night - whether you're here or not."

***

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says "We are in Germany". The others ask, "How do you know", the German says, "Because it's so cold".

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says "We are in Australia", the others ask "How do you know", he replies "Because it's so warm".

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says " We are in Mexico", the others ask "How do you know", he says " Because my watch is gone"

***

What's a Mexican favorite book store? Borders.

Did you hear about that one Mexican that went to college? Yeah.. me neither.

How do you stop a Mexican tank? Shoot the guy pushing it.

What do you call a Mexican without a lawn mower? Unemployed.

What do you do when a Mexican is riding a bike? Chase after him, it's probably yours!

Why are Mexicans so short? They all live in basement apartments.

Why do Mexicans re-fry their beans? Have you seen a Mexican do anything right the first time?

How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek? They don't work in the future, either.

What do you call a Mexican in a two-story house? Adopted.

Why do Mexican kids walk around school like they own the place? Because their dads built it and their mom clean it.

2 Mexicans are in a car, who is driving? A cop.

Buy the book to read 100s more Mexican jokes!


Customer Reviews




*** Product Information and Prices Stored: Mar 05, 2012 04:20:20

Saturday, March 3, 2012

The Best Of The Rock - The Charleston

The Best Of The Rock - The Charleston Video Clips. Duration : 5.17 Mins.


Get your monkey ass out of The Rock's picture! No Copyright Infringement intended. All clips belong to the WWE

Keywords: WWE, WWF, The, Rock, Funniest, Clips, Best, OF, Funny, Cool, Hilarious, One, Liners, Jokes, Interviews, Backstage, Dwayne, Johnson, Most, Electrifying, Man, In, Sports, Entertainment, Bonus, Disc, Extras, Interview, Know, Your, Role, If, You, Smell, What, Is, Cookin, Peoples, Champ

Friday, March 2, 2012

Marler's Stand Up Zuffys 8-22-11

Marler's Stand Up Zuffys 8-22-11 Video Clips. Duration : 5.68 Mins.


One-Liners You Won't Like: Chris Marler Stands Up at Zuffys Place in Brookhaven, in Atlanta, GA

Keywords: Chris, Marler, Stands, Up, Zuffys, Comedy, Captain, Crest, Comedian, Humor, Jokes, Funny

Thursday, March 1, 2012

PICK UP LINES

PICK UP LINES Video Clips. Duration : 2.02 Mins.


What not to say to women, or men. Join: facebook.com Main Channel: www.youtube.com 2nd Channel: www.youtube.com Twitter: www.twtter.com Facebook: www.facebook.com Myspace: www.myspace.com Store: theshortstackshow.spreadshirt.com Email: theshortstackshow@hotmail.com

Tags: the, shortstack, show, dannycraps, danny craparotta, pick up lines, tips, women, dating

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Great Price for

Comedy Secrets - How To Be A Seriously Funny Comedian and Add Jokes & Humour To Speeches and Public Speaking Best

Rate This Product :


Comedy Secrets - How To Be A Seriously Funny Comedian and Add Jokes & Humour To Speeches and Public Speaking Overview

Jonathan Royle within the pages of this short but comprehensive manual containing over 13,250+ words teaches you in a simple step by step manner how to become a Hilarious and Confident Alternative or MainStream Comedian and Comic Entertainer.

The techniques taught also reveal how to add Jokes and Humour to Speeches and Public Speaking Presentations and how to become the life and soul of any party.

You will also learn some of the funniest jokes and gags and one liners in the world along with Heckler stoppers and much more from the man who has in the past been a support act to Lee Evans, Logan Murray, Jimmy Circket and many other top names on the British Comedy Circuit.

Comedy Secrets - How To Be A Seriously Funny Comedian and Add Jokes & Humour To Speeches and Public Speaking Specifications

Jonathan Royle within the pages of this short but comprehensive manual containing over 13,250+ words teaches you in a simple step by step manner how to become a Hilarious and Confident Alternative or MainStream Comedian and Comic Entertainer.

The techniques taught also reveal how to add Jokes and Humour to Speeches and Public Speaking Presentations and how to become the life and soul of any party.

You will also learn some of the funniest jokes and gags and one liners in the world along with Heckler stoppers and much more from the man who has in the past been a support act to Lee Evans, Logan Murray, Jimmy Circket and many other top names on the British Comedy Circuit.


Customer Reviews




*** Product Information and Prices Stored: Feb 29, 2012 05:10:35

Monday, February 27, 2012

Great Price 99 Volts for $12.99

If you think I'm a bitch, you should meet my mother Baby/Infant Onesie 6 Month Pink Best

Rate This Product :


If you think I'm a bitch, you should meet my mother Baby/Infant Onesie 6 Month Pink Feature

  • 100% Cotton


Customer Reviews




*** Product Information and Prices Stored: Feb 27, 2012 18:46:37

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Check Out I'm Kind Of A Big Deal Funny Kids T Shirt 2T thru Youth XL for $9.99

I'm Kind Of A Big Deal Funny Kids T Shirt 2T thru Youth XL Best

Rate This Product :


I'm Kind Of A Big Deal Funny Kids T Shirt 2T thru Youth XL Feature

  • 100% Cotton


Customer Reviews




*** Product Information and Prices Stored: Feb 26, 2012 15:55:38

Friday, February 24, 2012

Using the Pun in the Pulpit

Types Of Puns

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. - Fred Allen

Funny Jokes One Liners

There are a lot of assorted puns in our English language. A pun uses the play-on-word technique. Puns are humor made with an acoustical knot. It uses a word or phrase with two dissimilar meanings and interpretations. The pun works because the English language is so ambiguous. Most puns you will never use, but to give you a feel for the pun, we will look at some of the more unusual ones.

Using the Pun in the Pulpit

Do Vegetarians Eat Animal Crackers? Best

Rate This Product :


Do Vegetarians Eat Animal Crackers? Overview

If a book on failure doesn't sell, is it considered a success? Have you ever dreamt you had insomnia? Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase? This book contains hundreds more of these funny, creative and thought provoking, one-liner questions. They can be used as pure entertainment or for enhancing your emails, conversations and writing.

Do Vegetarians Eat Animal Crackers? Specifications

If a book on failure doesn't sell, is it considered a success? Have you ever dreamt you had insomnia? Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase? This book contains hundreds more of these funny, creative and thought provoking, one-liner questions. They can be used as pure entertainment or for enhancing your emails, conversations and writing.


Customer Reviews




*** Product Information and Prices Stored: Feb 25, 2012 09:41:05

Spoonerism: The reversal of letters in a sentence. It is named after Rev. W.A. Spooner (1844-1930) who was a excellent Anglican clergyman who accidentally interchanged introductory sounds.

"Is it kisomary to cuss the bride?"
"Watch that fellow, he is dain bramaged."

A farmer builds himself a home completely out of Kentucky bluegrass, and uses the second and third floors for his impressive variety of the chairs of kings, purchased from kingdoms around the world. The chairs are all ornate and all beautiful, and the farmer spends much of his time taking perfect care of them.

One day, the farmer decides that it is time to fertilize the bluegrass that makes up the buildings of the house, and he moves all of his costly chairs to the attic. He thought about spreads fertilizer on the third floor, and then waters it. Satisfied, he goes to the second floor and repeats the process. He fertilizes the family quarters on the first floor, and finally goes down to the basement to finish his job.

While he's down there, there is a vast creaking. The weight of the chairs is too much for the attic floorboards, and the chairs come crashing down. They crash straight through the third, second, and first floors, and crush the poor farmer to death. The moral of the story: citizen in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones. (If you have to say after a joke, "Forgive me for that one." You probably shouldn't use it.)

Tom Swifties: It was made preponderant from Tom quickly books. Here the pun word is used as an adverb. This humor was used in a fictional character for a series of children books written by Edward L. Stratemeyer. "Let's go to McDonald's," said Tom archly. "I know who turned off the lights," Tom hinted darkly.

Malapropisms: Using a word that sounds like an actual word but isn't. Think of any Saturday Night Live show where President Bush is being mimicked. There are a few others. But these puns are not what give puns a bad name. What gives puns a bad name are the type called Pun Iii.

A pun is the lowest from of wit especially if you didn't say it first. - Oscar Levant

Pun type Iii are puns where the words used are inexact sound-alikes. These words are distorted. For example,

Be alert. After all, the world needs more lerts.
An early winter is Novemberrr.

Two men were shipwrecked on an island. After weeks without eating, one man said, "Why are we starving? Let's go over to that bacon tree and gets some bacon." The second said, "There's no such thing as a bacon tree." "There is too a bacon tree," insisted the first man. He proceeded to march over to the other side of the island. After any hours he returned with his body full of arrows. "You were right," he gasped to his friend. "That wasn't a bacon tree. It was a ham bush."

I doubt that you would ever use that joke in a homily, but it is clever enough to be told in a group setting. The question with Pun Iii is when the words being used are too vague, silly or stupid. For example: My neighbor is a doctor and he has a organery by my house. I call it a Dockyard. These are just some of the many types of puns out there. Any way silly, they meet the definition of play-on-words.

Vague vs. Ambiguous

Before we discuss the type of puns that can be used for homilies, we need to make a difference between the words: vague and ambiguous.

Vagueness is defined as being not clearly expressed, while ambiguous is defined as an expression with more than one interpretation. Puns are thought about bi-ambiguous or having two dissimilar interpretations. All puns have this and must therefore be crafted carefully. Vagueness is obscuring and is poor communication. When you are using puns, never be vague. It won't get laughs. The puns that can be used effectively in a homily are called Pun type I and Pun type Ii. They are funnier because they are more realistic.

Pun Type I and Pun Type Ii

Type One
Invisible pun. Homographic Puns: The use of many meanings from a singular spelling.
Type Two
Sound alike but not look alike.
Homophonic Puns: The use of similar sounds with dissimilar spellings.

Type One Examples

A daydreaming pupil wanted to quit school to work in a factory manufacture frosty orange juice. He didn't get the job because he couldn't concentrate. The whole of Americans who are overweight has reached nearly ninety million. Of course, that's in round figures.

Type Two Examples

A glassblower inhaled and got a pane in the stomach. As Noah see ungrammatically while the animals were boarding the Ark, "Now I herd everything!" Then, there was Paul. He in effect couldn't handle the stuff. Paul would get s smashed we'd in effect have to carry him home. I know. I was one of his quarterly Paul (pall) bearers.

The inveterate punster follows conversation as a shark follows a ship. - Stephen Leacock

Creating Type Puns I and Ii

Step One: Find a topic that you want to use. It might be your homily theme or a current event.
Step Two: Make a list of keywords linked to your topic (a large list).
Step Three: Take the list of words and circle any that can be interpreted in more than one way.
Step Four: Get creative and start connecting the words with ideas.
Step Five: Put these words into a clear sentence. You could also make a story out of the punned words, but unless you are good at writing stories, I propose that you stay with the one-liner. It gets a laugh just as loud as the anecdote.

For this example, the homily theme being used is that "Christians can never retire."

Step One: I am writing a homily using the theme retirement and that we as Christians will never retire. In the same week, Brett Favre was arrival out of his Nfl retirement.
Step Two: I came up with a long list of retirement words and Nfl words.
Step Three: I came up with the words "never retire" and "pass away."
Step Four and Five: I finally came up with a Pun I:

Old quarterbacks never retire, they just pass away... Unless you are Brett Farve.

Using the same formula I also came up with a pun Ii:

I don't care if Brett Favre comes out of retirement. In my conception he is the best quarterback until he proves me different. He is still the "King of the Throne" (Thrown.) The key to this formula is to come up with a large list and being creative enough to put those words together into a meaningful sentence. It helps to spend in a good homonym book.

A pun is a pistol discharged at the ear. - Charles Lamb

Sometimes the punning isn't an ambiguous word but is a twist on a coarse phrase or cliché. There are two general types - the Reforming Phrase and the Take-Off Phrase.

Reforming Phrases Examples

You take a proper phrase, cliche or idiom, and alter it for comic effect. For example:

I'm as pure as the driven slush.
Every crowd has a silver lining.
Most girls today have a keen sense of rumor.

The Take-Off Examples

The Take-Off is another way to use a proper phrase for comic effect, but instead of altering the phrase, you take the phrase and add a funny conclusion.

For example:

Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop.
To get back on your feet, miss two car payments.
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.

Creating the Reforming Phrase and the Take-Off

Step One: Find a topic that you want to use. It might be your homily theme or a current event.
Step Two: List a lot of proper phrases on your topic. (Get some good books on quotations and clichés.)
Step Three: Take the phrases and start creatively reforming them.
Step Four: Take the phrases and start to creatively take-off-ing them.
Step Five: choose the best one for your homily.

The examples (below) for the reforming and take-off are from the theme of sin and wrongs:

Reforming: Two wrongs might make a riot.
Take-off: Two wrongs don't make a right, but three will get you back on the freeway.

It helps to spend in a integrate pun books and quotations/cliché books. It will make your life easier when looking for funny lines.

The nation whose citizen go in for puns is on a high level of culture. - G. C. Lichtenberg

You now have four good types of puns that can be used in the pulpit. Two are word puns, and two are phrase puns. This is more than enough pun material to use successfully in the pulpit.

Exercise:

This is an rehearsal to help you distinguish the four types of puns. Print I for pun I, and print Ii for pun Ii. Place an R for reforming, and a T for take-off. Answers are below.

____A bike can't stand alone because it is two-tired.
____Every calendar's days are numbered.
____Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
____A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
____A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
____When my wife saw he first strands of gray hair, she conception she'd dye!
____It's an I for an I when two egotists meet.
____I know a baker who hired a loafer.
____Animals may be our friend, but they won't pick you up at the airport.
____One thing about free advice, it's usually worth it.

Answers:

1. Ii 6. Ii
2. I 7. T
3. Ii 8. I
4. R 9. T
5. R 10.T

This guide would not be faultless without a conference on relationship jokes.

Connection Jokes

A relationship joke is also called a cross-over joke. It works because it makes associations. The relationship joke takes a dissimilar viewpoint on a word and can be thought about as a pun. What is best about the cross-over joke is that it is very easy to switch and make new jokes from the old one.

"I'm worried about my son's health."
"What's he got?"
"A motorcycle."

When you think of "he's worried about son's health," you think of some type of illness. However, you find out that "he's worried about his son having a motorcycle. His nose was like an intriguing book... It was red to the very end. The relationship word is a pun of red (color) to Read (reading.) Now, let's use the switching formula to generate new jokes. In the first example, take the set-up and punch line and switch it:

"I'm worried about my son."
His friend asked, "Why?"
"Because he changed his major to political science."
"Because he just bought a 70s polyester suit."

The idea is to take his worry about his son's condition and switch it to being worried about his son's study or his son's clothing style.

In the second example, you can in effect switch the set-up: His nose was like the (Bible; Reader's Digest)... Red to the very end. Or you can switch the punch line: His nose was like a book... 9 inches wide. His nose was like a book... Thick with black marks on it. Or convert both the set-up and the punch line: His nose looked like it fell off a ladder... It was black and blue. The trick is to convert the book to literature and convert the red to color.

When you convert the keywords to something more general, you will be able to make new jokes. You will be using what the professional comedians call "crossing-over." It is a good technique, and it will come to be easy to do with practice. The pun is mightier than the sword.

Conclusion

Once you apply these pun techniques in your homilies, you will come to realize that puns are not the lowest form of humor. They will come to be a good source for your humor. Here are the puns that we have covered:

Words
Pun I or indiscernible pun.
Pun Ii or sound-alike's.
Phrases
Reforming
Take-Offs
Cross-Over or Switching Technique
Connection Jokes

On final note, it is highly recommended that you purchase a good dictionary, cliché book and a quotation book. When you start using the pun in your pulpit, you will find that you are truly punny person. (Pun intended.)

Using the Pun in the PulpitI'm A Waiter Tube. Duration : 3.52 Mins.


The only reason I am a comedian is because I don't want to go back to the horrible life of a Server. This song is for anyone who has ever worked in the food service industry. Facebook.com/bocomedy For bookings, contact brian@bocomedy.com

Keywords: Singing, Comedian, Brian, O'Sullivan, Hilarious, Song, Funny, Punch, Lines, One, Liners, Stephen, Lynch, Bo, Burnham, Comedy, humor, think, smart, clever, witty, stand, up, musical, sketch, ice, house, pasadena, Server, Waiter, restaurant, Los, Angeles, Food, Drinks, Wine, Spirits, california, cooking, orange, jokes, comic, kitchen, beach, humour, recipe